friendship

Social media meanderings from Saltaire

Image by Dan Bailey

Saltaire

By the time you read this, I will have given what has been billed by my Twitter chum @PGTips42 at Bradford District Care Trust as a Social Media Master Class. 

In fact you would have to look hard to find someone who is less of a social media master than me. If they were paying me, the 60 attendees would by now have asked for their money back. Luckily, I am doing it for free. This gives me a chance to explore some recent thoughts with them and to visit the beautiful model village of Saltaire in West Yorkshire. The legacy of Sir Titus Salt could teach us a thing or two about philanthropic investment in social capital and infrastucture for the good of everyone, not just the richest.

Back to social media. One of the promises I made to myself when I retired from the NHS was that I would accept speaking engagements only when they were about something that really interested me, and that I would never again use Powerpoint. I’ve stuck to this for 2 1/2 years and it has served me pretty well. I did think about breaking the second rule for this session, as some screen grabs from Facebook and Twitter would have been nice, especially if they included kittens. But I decided against it.

Instead, I will have meandered through some personal insights, drawn from this blog and the references herein, and even better, found out what the attendees think.

My personal approach to using social media is how I tend to approach most things – I jump in and have a go, ignore wise advice and instead work out the rules as I go along. This isn’t the wrong way, but nor is it the right way. It’s just my way. But however you choose to get started, putting yourself out there via social media is undoubtedly scary. It is important to take care. I do highly recommend this very well constructed article by Annie Cooper and Alison Inglehearn. It will help you stay safe.

Once you have chosen your preferred social media platform – such as Facebook, Twitter, Instagram etc (and this can feel like a Betamax v VHS choice), here are an updated set of rules I shared in a previous blog that might help a social media novice get started.

  1. Do it yourself.
  2. Listen twice at least twice much as you speak.
  3. Don’t rise to the bait or post when angry or under the influence of dis-inhibitors.
  4. Share opinions but remember they are only your opinions. Others are allowed to disagree!
  5. Where possible, stick to facts and values.
  6. As in face-to-face conversation, seek common ground.
  7. Don’t believe everything you read.
  8. Don’t only talk to people you know you will agree with. Some people describe those who do as living in an echo-chamber.
  9. There ARE trolls out there. But not as many as you might be led to believe.
  10. Be kind, always – to yourself and to others.

It is possible, and great fun, to crowd-source a seminar, as I have now done a few times. Yes, it takes more time than the usual approach. (And it doesn’t finish on the day. It is important to thank people properly who have made the effort to help you.) The benefits are the potential to engage many times more not only with your direct audience but also with others via social media. And to widen your own learning in ways you could not have imagined. Most of what you see here has been achieved with the help of my social media friends. 

Given my passion about mental health, I must mention the impact of social media, which can either be overlooked or understated, in my experience. I thank my friends for reminding that social media is only a very small part of the world. It can be a source of solace and support, as I have sometimes found.  But it can also cut you off, if you let it. And it can be vicious, self-righteous and damaging. People can hide behind anonymity, so bad behaviour is invariably worse, goes more unchecked and can be more intrusive than in face-to-face interactions. I wrote this blog about Twitter  in 2014 which you might find helpful.

Blogging is not compulsory. If you like sharing thoughts in writing, you will probably enjoy blogging and learn to do it well. Like everything worthwhile, it takes practice. And if you don’t, you won’t. 

I would also mention that, however much you like the blog site you have chosen, unless someone (i.e. you and/or your readers) are paying for it, you and they ARE the product. The same applies to all social media platforms and indeed all publications, such as “free” newspapers. If we want original, independent writing to thrive, we MUST pay for books, journals, newspapers, even blog-sites. Otherwise it won’t be long before the only things available are products sponsored from a commercial or otherwise partisan perspective. And that is a very sinister prospect. 

Some people use social media platforms such as Twitter for swift repartee, and blog about more considered and complex thoughts.  I would argue that blogging can help us to work out what we think. And that we can use Twitter and other chat sites for this too. After all, there is no point getting involved in conversations if we have already made up our minds about something. Here is a bit more about why I write a blog.

Just to show that I have been thinking about social media for a while, here is something I wrote for the HSJ in 2012.

This slide deck on the role of social media in health is the extraordinary Dr Helen Bevan, @HelenBevan on Twitter. Helen is a genius in improvement methodology and practice as well as new ways of working, including using social media. 

And I thank another wonderful friend @AnnieCoops for introducing me to this lovely video poem about the social media imprint we leave behind us. Like all good things on social media, it will make you think really hard. Which is the best sort of thinking. 

Here are some of my new friends at Bradford District Care Trust. They were AMAZING!!!

And given that I mentioned kittens, here is William to wish you all well for 2017.

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My nine lessons for Christmas 2016

  1. In November, my friend Sally took me to The Church of St Mary the Virgin, Putney and reminded me about The Levellers. As she read aloud from Thomas Rainsborough’s famous quote, I felt a shiver. “For really I think that the poorest he that is in England hath a life to live, as the greatest he. After this terrible year, surely we can remember this, and act accordingly?
  2. History shows that, when times are hard, false prophets can persuade those who are suffering to blame the “other” rather than the ones who are the true source of their misery. And cause them to use their precious vote in ways that challenge more liberal values. But if we merely condemn such choices, we have no hope of turning the ugly tide lapping our shores. After the results of Brexit and the US presidency, I have come to realise that we need to judge less and listen much more so that we can understand why people are so angry with the established order.
  3. This year we lost far too many extraordinary people, including the wonderful Jo Cox MP. She wasn’t afraid to work with those on the opposite side of the political divide nor to challenge orthodox views. I have concluded that members of political parties who spend all their time arguing or blaming one another rather than seeking common cause, as Jo did, are a major part of why so many are mistrustful of politicians.
  4. This month, the government announced that, as a society, we are not doing enough to prevent suicide. And that there will be league tables published soon to show which areas are lagging most. As one who devotes time to volunteer in suicide prevention, I find this extraordinary. We can do a great deal to reduce the incidence of suicide by tackling stigma, offering education and training and supporting voluntary services such as the Samaritans. But ignoring the main reasons for the rise in the rate of suicide is dishonest. Benefit sanctions, fitness to work assessments and cuts in social care support are causing hunger, homelessness, and shame from being a burden amongst the most vulnerable of our fellow citizens. And for a growing number, the only options at night are a tent, a homeless shelter or a shop doorway. No wonder that life feels increasingly unbearable to some.
  5. And while the government congratulates itself on low rates of unemployment, zero hours contracts and minimum wages are directly causing the rise in reliance on food banks, payday loans and other expensive credit. It is not refugees or so-called benefit scroungers we need to fear. It is people who “create value” (what a meaningless and loathsome phrase) from the misery of others. The Mike Ashleys and Philip Greens of this world. And the Rupert Murdochs and Paul Dacres who would have us believe that fear of the other, rather than compassion for our fellow citizens, is what should drive us. But I realise that grumbling to those who already agree with me is not enough. I’m going to do better in 2017.
  6. I have been learning how to apply the Myers Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) to use in my practice as a coach. I could bore for Europe on this subject, but suffice to say, it has been a revelation. And the greatest insight of all has been finally appreciating at a very personal level what Carl Rogers meant in 1961 when he said: “What I am is good enough, if I would only be it openly.”
  7. I have also been learning how to be a Samaritan. I will be writing more about this next year. All I need say for now is that I gain as least as much as I give, and that the training and support for volunteers is absolutely wonderful. And with all that I mention above, and at this time of year, Samaritans are needed more than ever.
  8. This year, we lost so many wonderful people, including Twitter friends @GrangerKate and @GraceAndGloryDan. I would like to thank Zoe, courageous mother of Adam Bojelian. Adam sadly died last year. And Zoe reminded me that people who are bereaved value nothing more than being given the kindness of time to talk about the person they have lost.
  9. Finally, I have learned that people like pictures of cats. So here is William, my personal pet therapist, to wish you peace at Christmas. And may those who are lost, lonely or grieving find kindness among strangers as well as friends.

#DearDistressed

Letter for World Suicide Prevention Day 10th September 2016

Written for the #DearDistressed campaign launched today by Connecting for Health and republished here with their kind permission.

Dear Distressed

Thank you for opening this. You probably won’t feel up to reading much. So I need to grab your attention.

I want to tell you something. I have been where you are. I have felt that my life wasn’t worth living. Sometimes I knew why; mostly I didn’t. It has happened a number of times over many years. I have contemplated suicide. I even tried to take my life. But I’m very glad to be here because otherwise I couldn’t write to you now.

Making an admission about feeling suicidal isn’t easy. It can be shocking to face, for you and others. But also you don’t want people to overreact. You just want to be able to talk. And yet the chances are, you won’t have spoken to anyone about it. You may feel ashamed, as I once did. And still do, on a bad day.

Distress of this sort is overwhelming. Especially if you keep it bottled up. It blocks out the sun. Yes, it is different for each of us, because we are all different. But what makes us similar is the awfulness of it.  Lying awake for hour after endless hour, whether alone or next to someone you can’t talk to about the darkness of your thoughts. Everything seems pointless. You worry about stuff you used not to worry about. And the big things that were worrying you already are overwhelming. You feel loathsome, undeserving and useless.

So what might have helped me when I was where you are right now?

  1. It would have helped if I had managed to talk to a loved one or a friend. Eventually I have learned how to do this, although I still find it hard. I have been surprised by the kindness and understanding shown. Suicide is still taboo for some, but less than it was. And talking can really help.
  2. I called Samaritans a few times, from a phone box – there were no mobile phones in those days and I didn’t want to be overheard. They were amazing. They weren’t shocked and they listened really carefully. Nowadays calls to Samaritans are free so you don’t need credit. Ring 116 123 anytime, day or night, and talk to a trained volunteer.
  3. A hospital nurse once told me that I was a cowardly, selfish waste-of-space who had taken him away from looking after people who were really ill. I believed that nurse. And that was how I saw myself for many years. I wish I had instead remembered what a kind GP said when I apologised for bothering him, which was that I was worth the effort.
  4. I wish could have had a smart phone installed with the #StayAlive app by Grassroots Suicide Prevention for androids or iPhones. As well as useful information, advice and support, it encourages you to store reminders of how you feel on a good day, and keep special pictures and notes in one place. Now I look at mine most weeks. It makes me feel safe.

Learning to be kind to oneself can be a lifelong project. But if you aren’t kind to yourself, it is much harder to be kind to other people. For that reason, it is a generous and thoughtful thing to do. Rather than a self-centred indulgence, as I once believed.

Thank you for reading this. I hope it helped a bit. And if it didn’t, it doesn’t matter.

Because know this: you are not alone.

With loving kindness from

Lisa

Improving the NHS: with added tribute to Dr Kate Granger

Lisa 3 (002)

Last week I was introduced by Dr Kathy McLean, Medical Director at NHS Improvement to 180 people comprising senior NHS clinicians, managers, directors, chief executives, patient representatives and members of staff at NHS Improvement, including most of their executive team. And I wondered how my homespun talk about improvement, leadership, the universe and everything would go down.

As it turned out, quite well.

The cartoon above was drawn by Inky Thinking. I don’t know how they do it, but they capture everything you say that you want people to remember.

Here is a word-based precis:

  1. If you forget that culture always trumps strategy, your efforts to improve services will be ineffective. I’ve been there and occasionally done it the right way. But more often the wrong way.
  2. You can’t help others to improve unless you are OK yourself. I have form on not remembering this.
  3. Leadership in public services has never been harder with our 24/7 media, including social media, and the anti-public sector rhetoric that appears in most newspapers.
  4. Plus we live in a post-fact world – see this article by Guardian Editor-In-Chief Katherine Viner. People believe things that are not true, and don’t believe things that are. I’ve had personal experience of this. And it is horrible.
  5. Being an NHS leader is very lonely. Never more so than when you are awake at 3am. People get in touch to congratulate you when something goes well. But when things go wrong, people you thought were friends seem to melt away.
  6. There is never enough time to think when you are running NHS services because of competing demands, often from those who are meant to be there to help you make improvements. But you must create time to think or you will make bad decisions.
  7. Filling senior vacancies in the NHS is getting harder. And we should worry about this. Because if we aren’t careful, the only ones who apply to be in the firing line will be those who don’t care what others think about them. And that would be very bad for all of us.
  8. We cannot separate leadership from mental health. In my opinion, people who experience mental illness from time to time can make exceptional leaders. It is only one thing about them. Plus, they develop skills through therapy that are invaluable – such as managing their own mood, listening really carefully, and not making assumptions about others.
  9. I have experienced depression off and on since the age of 15. A nurse said something damaging to me when I was 22 and vulnerable which I absorbed deep into my psyche. For the next 36 years I stigmatised myself, despite being an active campaigner against the stigma of mental illness. It was when I finally came out about my experiences that I was able to address my self-stigma. I have made many friends since then. But if only I had done it before, I could have been a better, more authentic leader.
  10. Mental illness messes with your head. It affects 1:4 of us. But 4:4 of us should care about it, not just on humanitarian and economic grounds, but because almost everyone can be affected. We are all on a spectrum of resilience, and if enough bad things happen to us, especially at a young age, most of us will experience post traumatic damage.
  11. When I appeared suddenly to get ill with an acute onset of depression in 2013, it was a culmination of things. My own susceptibility, but also workload, loneliness, weariness as I approached retirement, not taking care of myself, listening too hard to my own negative voices, and putting a lot of energy into maintaining a positive front. It wasn’t caused by internet trolls. But they didn’t help.
  12. So please don’t do what I did. Get to know yourself. Talk to yourself honestly about how you are. Talk to your loved ones. Take care. Be the best version of you, but make sure that it is you. And try always to see yourself as an improvement project – this makes it easier to accept criticism without it cutting you to your core. I’ve only learned this in the last few years, and it is a revelation!
  13. I am lucky. I have dear family and friends. And I got great care. I was able to go back to a job that I loved, which was a major part of my recovery. I know it isn’t the same for everyone.
  14. Since the summer of 2014 when I finally hung up my chief executive boots, I’ve been helping others in various ways to be the best version of themselves. And I’ve written a book which I hope you will read when it is published later this year.

As I finish this blog, I think of someone who embodies improvement in everything she does. The talented, compassionate and extremely resourceful Dr Kate Granger. Kate is currently in a hospice in what are probably the final stages of a rare and awful form of cancer. But as well as sharing the intimacies of her progress through terminal illness via her wonderful talks and social media, Kate has also revolutionised the NHS and other healthcare systems around the world with her #HelloMyNameIs campaign. She has written several books, and completed amazing things on her bucket list. And not content with that, Kate and her husband Chris Pointon are urging people to make donations to the Yorkshire Cancer Centre, a small charity that helps improve the quality of life of people living with cancer. You can donate here.

Kate and Chris demonstrate that being a leader isn’t a job, it is an attitude of mind. That anyone can make a difference if they focus on something that matters, turn a great idea into an innovation and build support for it through honest endeavour. We can all learn about improvement from them.

May you go well, both of you.

25 July 2016 postscript: 

Chris has just posted on Twitter that his wonderful wife died yesterday peacefully in the arms of her family. 

I only met Kate once. I will never forget her. She had an extraordinary stillness and presence. I hope the knowledge of the difference she has made and will continue to make for many years to come will sustain Chris and all who loved her in the difficult times ahead. 

My heart goes out to all of you. May her lovely soul rest in peace.
 

 

 

 

Beaten. But not broken

 

The Chattri, near Brighton

The Chattri, near Brighton

Dear Everyone

There are five stages to grief, as explained by Kubler Ross.

  • denial
  • anger
  • bargaining
  • depression
  • acceptance (sometimes called accommodation)

We do not progress through the stages in a linear fashion. Some may have to be repeated. If we are not careful, we can get stuck at any of the first four, and never fully achieve the final one, of acceptance.

Today, those of us who voted Remain are feeling some or all of the first four stages. Only a few have reached the fifth by now. Some never will.

We have a right to feel angry. The referendum was unnecessary. Some time ago, David Cameron made a promise to appease certain members of his own party. He probably never expected to have to keep it.

After the result, the only honourable thing he could do was resign. As he did so, he was trying hard to appear to have achieved acceptance. But the catch in his voice gave the game away.

And he may never achieve it. Political careers in high office almost always end in failure. But this is failure of a most awful kind. Perhaps we can be kinder if our current Prime Minister shows statesmanship over the coming weeks and begins to chart the way through unprecedented choppy waters.

The reason many voted Leave was not about immigration or perceived European bureaucracy. It was a protest vote against the greed of big business, the banking crisis which has affected poor and vulnerable people much more than those who caused it, and a political ruling class that seems dangerously out of touch.

Can we listen really carefully to those who feel this way? We need to heed their voices, as well as the cries of anguish from those who voted Remain. And listen to both groups above the triumphal clamour of the minority who believe we have “got our country back”.

It is going to be very hard. Once hatred has been unleashed, it is hard to put it back in its cage. The rise of far right politicians and alliances are real and present dangers.

The size of turnout demonstrates that when people feel their vote will count, they are more likely to use it. So maybe we have to rethink our position on our current electoral system that disenfranchises so many.

And perhaps those towards the centre or on the left politically, if indeed such definitions are even valid in this context, can stop fighting one another and think about what matters? And who our real enemies are?

In the early stages of grief, it is important not to make momentous decisions. Words or acts of anger, hatred and blame will not help us.

So let’s hold on. Let’s be kind, to ourselves and to others. We are beaten. But we are not broken.

Yours, in solidarity with the human race

 

Ten reasons we are #StrongerIn. But whatever the result, we must take care on Friday

On the eve of the EU referendum, some thoughts:

  1. In 2012, the EU was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for promoting peace + protecting human rights
  2. Voting out is not a protest vote against big business. It’s a whimsical vote against future generations
  3. If the economy tanks, as experts predict, it will be the poor + vulnerable who will suffer
  4. We are part of Europe and part of humanity
  5. The EU is run by politicians we elect. And they appoint officials. Because bureaucracy is good for civilisation
  6. David Beckham says we are stronger in. So do Billy Bragg + Paloma Faith. And John Barnes, who was so angry about being misrepresented by Michael Gove that he phoned national newspapers and wrote this stirring piece on immigration and racism for the Guardian  
  7. Vote Leave have Boris Johnson, Nigel Farage + Michael Gove. have  
  8. Leaving the EU would cause havoc to the NHS. We would lose vital staff + face massive cuts because of recession
  9. Not all who vote Leave are racists. But all racists are voting Leave, according to . And I agree
  10. The British public are fighters. We are not quitters. We must stay in + fight to make the EU even better  

One final thought. Things have been said that are hurtful, even threatening. People have been told they are stupid, that they don’t know what they are doing. One politician has lost her life. Millions have been made to feel unwanted and unwelcome. Whatever the result on Friday, a great deal of damage has been done. It will take a long time, kindness,, compassion and forgiveness to enable us all to heal.

So let us have no triumphalism. No crowing. And no blame. And let us remember that the majority of public servants are good hardworking people. They do not gamble our pensions, live offshore in tax havens, or pay their staff below the living wage. This includes the politicians who are elected by us, the people, to make decisions on our behalves.

We live in a democracy. And that is a wonderful thing.

 

 

Be inspired #Confed2016

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This time last year, I wrote a blog for newbies going to the NHS Confederation Conference. I decided to do an update for #Confed2016.

These are my top ten tips for having a fruitful time. By the way, you don’t have to be going to Manchester to make use of it 😉

  1. Don’t try to see and do everything. Be choosy. Treat the conference like a festival. By all means tweet about what you hear. But do also give the events you choose to attend your undivided attention.
  2. If you only seek out sessions and speakers to confirm your views, you will waste time and money. Arrive with an open mind. Ask questions. And be prepared to learn new things and to unlearn old ones.
  3. Some people need no encouragement to network. But if you aren’t confident about bounding up to someone you admire with an outstretched paw, don’t worry. Practice saying #HelloMyNameIs to people who look like you feel – perhaps a bit lost or lonely. And remember what Dale Carnegie said: You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years trying to get other people interested in you.
  4. Dress for style AND comfort. These are not mutually exclusive.
  5. Never forget you are at work. Stay out late if you must. But if someone makes you an offer you feel you cannot refuse, say No. And mean it. What goes on at conference does NOT stay at conference.
  6. Take breaks. Go for a walk. Have a rest in your room. Do shopping or emails or visit the Lowrie. Drink coffee.
  7. At the same time, stay focused on why you are there. The NHS is in a bad way. It is not only being slowly starved of cash. Services are overwhelmed because current methods of doing things are unfit to meet the demands of so many people with multiple problems. We need leaders like you to find two or three changes that will make the most difference. And to devote their careers to making these things happen.
  8. Remember that innovation is as much about stopping things as starting them. That there are no quick fixes. And that culture eats strategy for breakfast*.
  9. You will meet folk having a hard time. Please don’t avoid them. Despite all the talk about compassion, our beloved NHS has become less compassionate. There is too much focus on inspection, compliance and performance. And insufficient attention paid to recovery, renewal and support. Please spend time with people working in very tough places. Listen if they seem angry or frightened. One day, this could be you.
  10. Take a look around you. Notice the top of the NHS. How very white and very male it is, despite the NHS workforce being 70% female and 20% BME. Ask yourself why this is so. And if you think it matters, do your bit to help to change it.

I’ve been to a few conferences. And been inspired. I hope you will be too. Have a wonderful time xxx

*This was never actually said by Peter Drucker or Edgar Schein, to both of whom it has been attributed. But it was what they meant. Sort-of.