Author: LisaSaysThis

Loves people and Brighton and Hove Albion FC. Find me on Twitter @LisaSaysThis

Happy World Mental Health Day 2016

The theme of World Mental Health Day 2016 is helping people in distress. I’ve been asked to speak at an event organised by Mental Health First Aid. This blog is a precis of my talk. 

My brother lives in the US. With a foreign passport and a surname like Rodrigues, he – and we – are watching the American presidential election with vested interest.

Many times we have heard Donald Trump express views we know to be racist or sexist. But recently, he took aim at a new target: those with mental illness. He opined that soldiers who experience post-traumatic stress disorder are in some way weak. As though being strong equates to having no feelings. Given recent revelations about other things Trump has said, there wasn’t a lot of fuss about this. Vice President Joe Biden said that the comment just showed how out of touch Trump is.

But actually he isn’t. Donald Trump is popular in certain quarters because he says what he knows many people are thinking. And in doing so, he speaks not only for some Americans, but for people in other parts of the world. Including the UK.

I want to tell you why Trump, and others who think like that, are wrong.  And not just because thinking that way is unkind. It is also wrong intellectually and on economic terms too.

Mental illness is in some ways like physical illness. If you know what you are looking for, you may be able to see it through a microscope or on a scan. And you can use chemicals to treat the symptoms, although not the causes.

And as with physical illnesses, the causes are multi-factorial. Just like cancer, which doesn’t happen to “weak” people, mental illnesses are triggered by genetic, environmental, social and behavioural factors.

But unlike with most physical illnesses, people make judgements about you if you are mentally ill. Nor do they think the sort of thing Donald Trump said. That people like me, and many of you, who experience mental illness from time to time, are weak.

In fact we are far from weak. Because another thing that differentiates mental illness from physical illness is that as well as having to cope with that sort of stigma plus the challenge of having an illness that messes with your head, people like us also have to learn to reframe our thinking and our behaviour if we want to achieve recovery.

It is important to understand the links between psychological trauma and mental illness so that it can be prevented as well as treated. And to realise that, with enough trauma, almost all of us will exhibit symptoms of mental illness.

Let me tell you about two people.

I met Ally a couple of years ago when she and I were invited to speak to new NHS managers. Since then we have shared a lot. She said it would be OK to write about her here. Ally’s Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) was triggered through a toxic working environment, plus some specific events that occurred in Chernobyl where she was working, including the death of two colleagues, which were then covered up. She says that prior to this, she was a workaholic who self-medicated with alcohol. After these terrible events, she tried to raise her concerns but was ignored and bullied. She got ill, and eventually lost her job, became homeless and nearly died through self-neglect. But although some sat in judgement of her, there were people who took time to listen to her and to recognise that such terrible things would cause damage to any of us. They helped her to take recognise this and to take her first slow steps towards acceptance and recovery. Some were professionals but some were ordinary people.

Today, Ally still experiences the effects of PTSD. She is also one of the most well-educated, brilliant and funny people I know. She can hold the attention of the most erudite as well as very ordinary people when she talks about improving the NHS. When I watch her speak, I feel honoured to call her my friend.

Then there is Odi. Odi and I came across one another in 2005 over some changes to local mental health services. He wasn’t well, and I struggled to understand what he was trying to tell me. But there was something about him that was unforgettable. We met again, and gradually I learned that he had experienced terrible trauma including torture in troubled parts of Africa. This led to him hearing voices. He didn’t want to take conventional medicine. He wanted to heal himself through traditional non-invasive methods.

He was allocated a social worker who appreciated that to achieve recovery, Odi needed honesty, understanding and acceptance. Over time, and supported by that social worker, Odi used art and music to help himself and then others, eventually taking a dimg-20151024-wa0000egree in art therapy. He then decided to become a social worker himself. This year Odi completed his Masters in Social Work. He was awarded Student of the Year on his course at the University of Sussex, and has been shortlisted as national Social Work Student of the Year. I would be very surprised if he doesn’t win. He is wise and good and has the heart of a lion. Anyone who gets Odi as their social worker will be blessed. Like Ally, it is an honour that he has become my dear friend. The photo is us doing selfies at Brighton and Hove Albion.

And then there is me. I’ve written before about how I got to where I am now, and that I am still a work-in-progress. But for those who don’t know, I saw my first psychiatrist aged 15. He was kind. But he couldn’t help me with my feelings of self-hatred and despair because I convinced him that I was OK.  The next few years were pretty grim. I got through my nursing training by perfecting the art of seeming ok when I wasn’t. And when I ended up in hospital after an overdose and the nurse told me I was a waste of space and selfish because I was taking him away from people who were really ill, I believed him. In fact, I agreed. I had huge compassion for others but none at all for myself.

I have muddled through my life, and achieved some successes. But it was the attention and kindness of others, including Sue Baker at Time to Change, that eventually led me to realise that opening up about my experiences of anxiety and depression would be a generous act. Rather than a sign of my own weakness. I did so, at considerable personal cost, the year before I retired from the NHS. Nowadays, I know being open is not only kind to others. It is also a kindness to myself.

In being more open, I have made some amazing friends and learned so much. And the greatest thing is that people like me, and Ally and Odi, and some of you, are not flawed or weak. We have simply had to face things others have not. And in facing them, we have developed skills, understanding, humility and compassion that make us better humans than we would have been had we not had to do this.

This is why Donald Trump, who is wrong in so many other ways, is wrong about soldiers who experience PTSD. Those men and women who have served their country and found the experience traumatic are far from weak. They are human beings and also heroes. And they deserve gratitude, sympathy and support.

Thank you reading this. Thank you for helping others, for taking time to ask someone how they are. And thank you for really listening to what that person says. It is a wonderful, compassionate and extremely effective thing to do. You are helping to save and change lives.

You can learn more about helping others through programmes like the wonderful Mental Health First Aid courses and products.

I wish you all a wonderful World Mental Health Day 2016.

Dear Rob Titchenor

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Dear Rob

Last week I wrote a letter to Helen. It went down quite well. I’m not sure that writing to you will be quite so popular, but I feel rather strongly that you need support. Although probably not for the reasons you think.

You seem to believe that you have been badly wronged by recent events. Life is rather grim, despite the prospect of the new job. But until you take responsibility for the pain and psychological damage you caused Jess and Helen, you will continue to hurt others and yourself.

You talk about Henry and Gideon/Jack as though they were your personal possessions. Everything you say about them is expressed in relation to how you feel. This is not how good, loving parents behave. Good parents put their children’s needs before their own. They are prepared to give up anything for their children’s sake, even if that means never seeing them again. They would give up their own lives for them if they had to. Could you do that?

Your psychological development has been badly affected by your own parents. Your father is a cruel ill-tempered man who judges others harshly and withholds love. He has abused your mother psychologically for many years. She has learned to accept his put-downs and capitulate to him, including sending you away to boarding school when you were very young. This has left you deeply scarred.

You have absorbed your father’s misogynistic attitude to women. You love your mother but treat her as a useful fool. You treat the women you have relationships with as sex objects and workhorses to be manipulated and controlled. You are ultra-competitive, deeply jealous and you struggle with controlling your temper. You have an unreasonable sense of entitlement and you perceive your own attributes and the faults in others far in excess of reality. This causes you problems in your work and personal life.

Some people would describe you as a narcissist, a person whose psychological development has been arrested in response to excessive criticism or other trauma as a child. I’m not sure if such a label is useful, unless it encourages you to seek help. What I do know is that you need help. Badly. Because your behaviour is going to get you into really serious trouble one of these days. And because although you pretend otherwise, you are very unhappy.

It won’t be easy. You are going to have to rethink everything you currently believe about yourself and others.

It is possible that you can be rehabilitated. It can happen in real life as well as in a soap. And if you and the writers of The Archers can do it, it would be a good thing. It would send a positive message that it isn’t down to the woman and the criminal justice system to combat coercive control. The only thing Helen got wrong was to be vulnerable. It was you who targeted, hoodwinked, bullied, abused and raped her. So it is you who needs to change.

There are services available to help men like you. Although not nearly enough of them. Such work takes great patience and skill and it isn’t quick. But it is essential because there are far too many men who physically and psychologically abuse the women they profess to love. A few end up in prison. The majority get away with it. And go on to ruin the lives not only of those they have already abused but also of the next women and children who are unfortunate enough to form relationships with them.

So I encourage you to seek some professional help. Here are some useful numbers and websites:

  • Respect  – organisation that specialises in helping to end domestic abuse
  • Respect Phoneline 0808 802 4040 – Confidential helpline for those who are worried that they are abusing a partner
  • Refuge – website with information about help if you think you may be an abuser

If you can admit to what you have done, Rob, it would be a very good first step. You talk frequently about “being a man”. Facing up to being an abuser is what a real man would do. It will take considerable bravery. And it won’t be easy.

Helen showed immense courage in eventually standing up to you. Could you find courage like that to face yourself? I really hope so.

Wishing you well.

From Lisa

 

 

 

Dear Helen

20160918_103222Dear Helen

At last it’s over. You are free and safely home at Bridge Farm. The judge saw through Rob and gave you full custody of both boys. Your nasty husband won’t be allowed to see Henry at all and will only be able to spend limited time with Jack under Pat and Tony’s supervision.

The nation breathes a sigh of relief. We can return to wondering who will win the Flower and Produce Show.

But I’m still worried about you.

I’m worried because you can’t cut Rob out of your life completely. He’s Jack’s father, and he will no doubt be manipulative over access. And he’s still living in Ambridge. You have a divorce to face, with legal and financial settlements to get through. You have been very brave, but you are going to need to continue to be so for a long time. And that will be hard.

I’m worried that things may be rocky for a while with Henry. He’s only a little boy, and he is bound to have a reaction too. Despite ‘Daddy’ having been unduly strict and irascible, he was there when you were not able to be. Henry may resent you for disappearing while you were in prison: he won’t be able to understand why you couldn’t be at home with him. He may tell you he misses Rob, and you will have to work out what to say and do that will help him.

I’m also worried because you’ve experienced a series of terrible traumas – coercive control over two years, multiple rapes, the incident that led to the stabbing, imprisonment,  loneliness and separation from Henry. Plus the fear of being convicted, having Jack taken away and never seeing Henry again. You are a very private person; the trial must have been excruciating, with everyone knowing your business. These things will have had an impact. And there is bound to be a reaction. You may find yourself feeling flat and exhausted. Or even sinking into despair. Please don’t pretend to be OK if you are not. Please talk to someone, maybe your Mum or Kirsty, however hard it feels to do so.

And I’m worried that the reasons Rob was able to manipulate you haven’t changed. You are a thoughtful, caring person. But you are also vulnerable. You’ve lost a brother and a previous partner, and now all this. Even if you don’t feel the immediate need for professional help, when you are ready it might be good to explore the things that have happened to you, the impact they have had and how you want to live your life in the future. If you need professional help to do this, it is nothing to feel ashamed of. In fact it is a courageous and unselfish thing to do. Again it won’t be easy. But it will be worth it.

I’m not a complete idiot, Helen. I am well aware that you are a fictional character. But you represent something very real to listeners. You have touched a nerve in all of us about narcissistic charmers like Rob who in subtle and not-so-subtle ways undermine and manipulate their partners, leaving them confused, diminished, even broken.

We Archers fans love how this story has been given time to breathe. No other soap could have done this. As there is no other soap that could allow your character to face the aftermath of the abuse slowly and gently, in real time.

Some people think The Archers is all about smug middle class farmers to whom nothing ever happens, with a few working class folk thrown in for a bit of comic relief. How wrong they are.

Thank you Helen and The Archers for showing us what it’s like to meet Mr Wrong. It is a lesson that we all needed to learn.

Wishing you much love and luck for the future

Lisa

#DearDistressed

Letter for World Suicide Prevention Day 10th September 2016

Written for the #DearDistressed campaign launched today by Connecting for Health and republished here with their kind permission.

Dear Distressed

Thank you for opening this. You probably won’t feel up to reading much. So I need to grab your attention.

I want to tell you something. I have been where you are. I have felt that my life wasn’t worth living. Sometimes I knew why; mostly I didn’t. It has happened a number of times over many years. I have contemplated suicide. I even tried to take my life. But I’m very glad to be here because otherwise I couldn’t write to you now.

Making an admission about feeling suicidal isn’t easy. It can be shocking to face, for you and others. But also you don’t want people to overreact. You just want to be able to talk. And yet the chances are, you won’t have spoken to anyone about it. You may feel ashamed, as I once did. And still do, on a bad day.

Distress of this sort is overwhelming. Especially if you keep it bottled up. It blocks out the sun. Yes, it is different for each of us, because we are all different. But what makes us similar is the awfulness of it.  Lying awake for hour after endless hour, whether alone or next to someone you can’t talk to about the darkness of your thoughts. Everything seems pointless. You worry about stuff you used not to worry about. And the big things that were worrying you already are overwhelming. You feel loathsome, undeserving and useless.

So what might have helped me when I was where you are right now?

  1. It would have helped if I had managed to talk to a loved one or a friend. Eventually I have learned how to do this, although I still find it hard. I have been surprised by the kindness and understanding shown. Suicide is still taboo for some, but less than it was. And talking can really help.
  2. I called Samaritans a few times, from a phone box – there were no mobile phones in those days and I didn’t want to be overheard. They were amazing. They weren’t shocked and they listened really carefully. Nowadays calls to Samaritans are free so you don’t need credit. Ring 116 123 anytime, day or night, and talk to a trained volunteer.
  3. A hospital nurse once told me that I was a cowardly, selfish waste-of-space who had taken him away from looking after people who were really ill. I believed that nurse. And that was how I saw myself for many years. I wish I had instead remembered what a kind GP said when I apologised for bothering him, which was that I was worth the effort.
  4. I wish could have had a smart phone installed with the #StayAlive app by Grassroots Suicide Prevention for androids or iPhones. As well as useful information, advice and support, it encourages you to store reminders of how you feel on a good day, and keep special pictures and notes in one place. Now I look at mine most weeks. It makes me feel safe.

Learning to be kind to oneself can be a lifelong project. But if you aren’t kind to yourself, it is much harder to be kind to other people. For that reason, it is a generous and thoughtful thing to do. Rather than a self-centred indulgence, as I once believed.

Thank you for reading this. I hope it helped a bit. And if it didn’t, it doesn’t matter.

Because know this: you are not alone.

With loving kindness from

Lisa

Is #TheArchers like real life?

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We Archers addicts are waiting with bated breath for September and the trial when, we hope, serial bully and narcissistic cad Rob Titchenor will finally get his come-uppance.

But our hopes keep being dashed. Scruff has gone to his grave (alright, an urn in Lynda’s basket) without revealing the secrets of the flood. Shula’s confession (that she lied to the police and that Rob really did hit the hunt saboteur) may wreck her marriage and her saintly reputation. But it won’t help Helen. And Helen isn’t helping herself; she won’t tell Anna the full extent of the shameful secrets from her marriage to Rob.

It’s all very frustrating. Which is good for us listeners, because that’s what real life is like. As well as messy, inconclusive and often unfair. In this article from 2014, psychotherapist Philippa Perry explains why tragic events in fairy stories, books and films are good for children. They help them to practice the emotions needed to deal with real-life disappointment and loss.

We adults need the same. And we must prepare ourselves. Because the chances are that Helen will get convicted next month. I’m not saying this because I think she’s guilty. I believe that, at worst, she acted in self-defence. I say it because men like Rob often get away with it. The odds are stacked in his favour. He lacks emotions about anyone but himself. But he also plays the loving father and victim very well for short periods. He could fool the jurors. After all, he fooled most of us when he first appeared in Ambridge.

And the prosecution will paint Helen as an unreliable witness. We may not like it, but women like Helen, who have experience of mental illness, plus have had their confidence sapped by abusive partners and being separated from their children, often fare badly within our adversarial judicial system.

Some judges bend over backwards to make sure that vulnerable women get a fair hearing in court. But not all. The one who presided over the interim custody order for Henry seemed predisposed towards Rob. He was sharp with Anna and with Helen. Shockingly, that wasn’t unrealistic.

But we can still hope.

  1. We can hope that the trial judge is a bit more enlightened. But even then, the odds are stacked against Helen. Juries are made up of people representative of society. And like it or not, in our society, women are unfairly discriminated against, in court as in many other settings.
  2. We might also hope that Henry will remember what he heard, even saw, on the night that Rob got stabbed. Of course, we don’t know what actually happened. Or what Rob has subsequently persuaded Henry that he heard or saw. Henry could say something that makes things even worse for Helen.
  3. We can hope that Henry will tell the social worker that Rob has an evil temper, is always telling him to be quiet and a good boy, and does cruel things like threatening boarding school and confiscating his rabbit because it’s babyish. Rob’s parenting methods are based on what his own awful parents did to him. Plus he has told Henry that his Mummy is bad and has abandoned him. Henry may feel that Daddy is all he has left. The holiday with Pat and Tony has come at a good time. But we should be worried for poor little Henry, who seems unnaturally well-behaved given what has happened to him recently.
  4. We are of course all hoping that Helen will somehow find the courage to face what Rob did over many months when he isolated her, psychologically abused her, threatened her, belittled her and sexually assaulted her on the night that baby Gideon/Jack was conceived. And joked afterwards about her being a minx who made him get carried away. But Helen has buried those memories because they are disgusting and unbearable to her. She may never be able to face them, even though they hold the key to saving herself and her children.
  5. We can hope that Jess will have a change of heart and be prepared to tell the court what she has already admitted to Anna about Rob’s psychological and physical abuse of her too, and how she warned Helen about him. But it sounds like Rob has bought Jess off. And she is also probably frightened of him and maybe even still in thrall to him. As Helen may also be too. Men like Rob seem to mesmerise women. They wield physical power. But it is their psychological power that is the most threatening.
  6. We can even hope that somehow Stefan will reappear and spill the beans on whatever Rob did to cause the flood. Or that some other miracle will happen.

I’m definitely still hoping; the writers have had us on tenterhooks for a long time and we need a break. But I’m also preparing myself for the worst. Because  as a soap, The Archers must mimic real life.

And in real life, shit happens. Especially to people who don’t deserve it.

 

Improving the NHS: with added tribute to Dr Kate Granger

Lisa 3 (002)

Last week I was introduced by Dr Kathy McLean, Medical Director at NHS Improvement to 180 people comprising senior NHS clinicians, managers, directors, chief executives, patient representatives and members of staff at NHS Improvement, including most of their executive team. And I wondered how my homespun talk about improvement, leadership, the universe and everything would go down.

As it turned out, quite well.

The cartoon above was drawn by Inky Thinking. I don’t know how they do it, but they capture everything you say that you want people to remember.

Here is a word-based precis:

  1. If you forget that culture always trumps strategy, your efforts to improve services will be ineffective. I’ve been there and occasionally done it the right way. But more often the wrong way.
  2. You can’t help others to improve unless you are OK yourself. I have form on not remembering this.
  3. Leadership in public services has never been harder with our 24/7 media, including social media, and the anti-public sector rhetoric that appears in most newspapers.
  4. Plus we live in a post-fact world – see this article by Guardian Editor-In-Chief Katherine Viner. People believe things that are not true, and don’t believe things that are. I’ve had personal experience of this. And it is horrible.
  5. Being an NHS leader is very lonely. Never more so than when you are awake at 3am. People get in touch to congratulate you when something goes well. But when things go wrong, people you thought were friends seem to melt away.
  6. There is never enough time to think when you are running NHS services because of competing demands, often from those who are meant to be there to help you make improvements. But you must create time to think or you will make bad decisions.
  7. Filling senior vacancies in the NHS is getting harder. And we should worry about this. Because if we aren’t careful, the only ones who apply to be in the firing line will be those who don’t care what others think about them. And that would be very bad for all of us.
  8. We cannot separate leadership from mental health. In my opinion, people who experience mental illness from time to time can make exceptional leaders. It is only one thing about them. Plus, they develop skills through therapy that are invaluable – such as managing their own mood, listening really carefully, and not making assumptions about others.
  9. I have experienced depression off and on since the age of 15. A nurse said something damaging to me when I was 22 and vulnerable which I absorbed deep into my psyche. For the next 36 years I stigmatised myself, despite being an active campaigner against the stigma of mental illness. It was when I finally came out about my experiences that I was able to address my self-stigma. I have made many friends since then. But if only I had done it before, I could have been a better, more authentic leader.
  10. Mental illness messes with your head. It affects 1:4 of us. But 4:4 of us should care about it, not just on humanitarian and economic grounds, but because almost everyone can be affected. We are all on a spectrum of resilience, and if enough bad things happen to us, especially at a young age, most of us will experience post traumatic damage.
  11. When I appeared suddenly to get ill with an acute onset of depression in 2013, it was a culmination of things. My own susceptibility, but also workload, loneliness, weariness as I approached retirement, not taking care of myself, listening too hard to my own negative voices, and putting a lot of energy into maintaining a positive front. It wasn’t caused by internet trolls. But they didn’t help.
  12. So please don’t do what I did. Get to know yourself. Talk to yourself honestly about how you are. Talk to your loved ones. Take care. Be the best version of you, but make sure that it is you. And try always to see yourself as an improvement project – this makes it easier to accept criticism without it cutting you to your core. I’ve only learned this in the last few years, and it is a revelation!
  13. I am lucky. I have dear family and friends. And I got great care. I was able to go back to a job that I loved, which was a major part of my recovery. I know it isn’t the same for everyone.
  14. Since the summer of 2014 when I finally hung up my chief executive boots, I’ve been helping others in various ways to be the best version of themselves. And I’ve written a book which I hope you will read when it is published later this year.

As I finish this blog, I think of someone who embodies improvement in everything she does. The talented, compassionate and extremely resourceful Dr Kate Granger. Kate is currently in a hospice in what are probably the final stages of a rare and awful form of cancer. But as well as sharing the intimacies of her progress through terminal illness via her wonderful talks and social media, Kate has also revolutionised the NHS and other healthcare systems around the world with her #HelloMyNameIs campaign. She has written several books, and completed amazing things on her bucket list. And not content with that, Kate and her husband Chris Pointon are urging people to make donations to the Yorkshire Cancer Centre, a small charity that helps improve the quality of life of people living with cancer. You can donate here.

Kate and Chris demonstrate that being a leader isn’t a job, it is an attitude of mind. That anyone can make a difference if they focus on something that matters, turn a great idea into an innovation and build support for it through honest endeavour. We can all learn about improvement from them.

May you go well, both of you.

25 July 2016 postscript: 

Chris has just posted on Twitter that his wonderful wife died yesterday peacefully in the arms of her family. 

I only met Kate once. I will never forget her. She had an extraordinary stillness and presence. I hope the knowledge of the difference she has made and will continue to make for many years to come will sustain Chris and all who loved her in the difficult times ahead. 

My heart goes out to all of you. May her lovely soul rest in peace.
 

 

 

 

What would Mary Seacole do?

Professor Elizabeth Anionwu and me

Professor Elizabeth Anionwu and me

On difficult days, I ask myself what Mary Seacole would do.

Those who seek to denigrate her memory are more than mean – spirited. They not only question her nursing contribution in the Crimea –  for which she was honoured by the British Army, the Times newspaper, Her Majesty Queen Victoria and 80,000 members of the public who attended celebrations in her honour. They also question whether she actually was a nurse. They say that she wasn’t really black. And having campaigned as hard as they could to undermine the Mary Seacole Memorial Statue Appeal, they now say that it is OK for there to be a statue to commemorate her, as long as it is small and not in a prominent position.

I will not stoop to naming these people nor to referencing the nastiness they have whipped up. Articles in The Independent and The Guardian have helped set the record straight. And today my dear friend Professor Elizabeth Anionwu CBE, Vice Chair of the Mary Seacole Statue Appeal, pictured with me above, will be on Woman’s Hour talking to Jenni Murray about the importance of Mary’s memory to all who believe in equality.

And today is the day that Mary’s beautiful statue, created by renowned sculptor Martin Jennings, will be unveiled outside St Thomas’ Hospital in London. Mary will proudly face the Houses of Parliament across the river. And she will be the first statue to a named black woman in the whole UK.

This is what will be written underneath:

“I trust that England will not forget one who nursed the sick, who sought out her wounded to aid and succour them, and who performed last offices for some of her illustrious dead.”

Sir William Howard Russell, War Correspondent, the Times Newspaper, 1857

We need Mary’s legacy now more than ever. The referendum campaign has unleashed xenophobia and racism. The poster of people with dark skin queuing for refuge with that hateful slogan underneath said it all. Some hoped such ugly days were over. Many knew this was not so. Fear and hatred for “the other” lie behind words such as “I’m not a racist but….”.

The NHS is not immune to racism. Or sexism. I have nothing against able and honourable white men. But when the NHS workforce is 70% female and 20% BME, why does the top look so male and so white?  This excoriating report by Yvonne Coghill and Roger Kline tells us a lot. About unfairness and disadvantage and about how NHS staff who experience these things can lose hope. It was published earlier this month. It is in danger of sinking without trace unless we do something different now.

I have no personal experience of racism, although I have seen it in action. Sometimes I have done something about it. And sometimes I have not. For this I am ashamed.

I do have experience of anti-Semitism, of being teased for having a “funny” surname, and of sexism. I know about the stigma of mental illness. And I know that, had I stayed where I started, at a London teaching hospital, I would not have become an NHS chief executive. My face would not have fitted.

It was for these reasons that I, a white woman, felt I had something to contribute to the Mary Seacole Statue Appeal.

Trevor Sterling, new charity chair, Leon Mann, ambassador and me last year at the site where Mary's statue will be unveiled tomorrow morning

Trevor Sterling, new charity chair, Leon Mann, ambassador and me last year at the site of the statue

And now, trustees of our new charity, the Mary Seacole Trust, chaired by the brilliant lawyer Trevor Sterling, will be calling on Mary’s legacy to inspire those at risk of disadvantage. In schools, universities, communities and workplaces including the NHS. We will encourage people to work hard and do their best. To be compassionate AND entrepreneurial. To aspire to great things. To speak up for what is right. And never to give up.

Despite not bring born in the UK, Mary Seacole never gave up playing her part in helping those from a country she loved. Throughout her life she remained proud of her dark skin and her heritage.

I urge anyone in despair or need of inspiration to visit Mary’s statue. It depicts her coat furling around her as she strides defiantly into the wind to meet her destiny.

These are very difficult times. Let us join Mary Seacole. And let us never give up.

An earlier version of this article was published in the Health Service Journal. I have updated it for my blog and to increase access beyond the NHS. I will update it again with photographs of the statue.

 

 

Beaten. But not broken

 

The Chattri, near Brighton

The Chattri, near Brighton

Dear Everyone

There are five stages to grief, as explained by Kubler Ross.

  • denial
  • anger
  • bargaining
  • depression
  • acceptance (sometimes called accommodation)

We do not progress through the stages in a linear fashion. Some may have to be repeated. If we are not careful, we can get stuck at any of the first four, and never fully achieve the final one, of acceptance.

Today, those of us who voted Remain are feeling some or all of the first four stages. Only a few have reached the fifth by now. Some never will.

We have a right to feel angry. The referendum was unnecessary. Some time ago, David Cameron made a promise to appease certain members of his own party. He probably never expected to have to keep it.

After the result, the only honourable thing he could do was resign. As he did so, he was trying hard to appear to have achieved acceptance. But the catch in his voice gave the game away.

And he may never achieve it. Political careers in high office almost always end in failure. But this is failure of a most awful kind. Perhaps we can be kinder if our current Prime Minister shows statesmanship over the coming weeks and begins to chart the way through unprecedented choppy waters.

The reason many voted Leave was not about immigration or perceived European bureaucracy. It was a protest vote against the greed of big business, the banking crisis which has affected poor and vulnerable people much more than those who caused it, and a political ruling class that seems dangerously out of touch.

Can we listen really carefully to those who feel this way? We need to heed their voices, as well as the cries of anguish from those who voted Remain. And listen to both groups above the triumphal clamour of the minority who believe we have “got our country back”.

It is going to be very hard. Once hatred has been unleashed, it is hard to put it back in its cage. The rise of far right politicians and alliances are real and present dangers.

The size of turnout demonstrates that when people feel their vote will count, they are more likely to use it. So maybe we have to rethink our position on our current electoral system that disenfranchises so many.

And perhaps those towards the centre or on the left politically, if indeed such definitions are even valid in this context, can stop fighting one another and think about what matters? And who our real enemies are?

In the early stages of grief, it is important not to make momentous decisions. Words or acts of anger, hatred and blame will not help us.

So let’s hold on. Let’s be kind, to ourselves and to others. We are beaten. But we are not broken.

Yours, in solidarity with the human race

 

Ten reasons we are #StrongerIn. But whatever the result, we must take care on Friday

On the eve of the EU referendum, some thoughts:

  1. In 2012, the EU was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for promoting peace + protecting human rights
  2. Voting out is not a protest vote against big business. It’s a whimsical vote against future generations
  3. If the economy tanks, as experts predict, it will be the poor + vulnerable who will suffer
  4. We are part of Europe and part of humanity
  5. The EU is run by politicians we elect. And they appoint officials. Because bureaucracy is good for civilisation
  6. David Beckham says we are stronger in. So do Billy Bragg + Paloma Faith. And John Barnes, who was so angry about being misrepresented by Michael Gove that he phoned national newspapers and wrote this stirring piece on immigration and racism for the Guardian  
  7. Vote Leave have Boris Johnson, Nigel Farage + Michael Gove. have  
  8. Leaving the EU would cause havoc to the NHS. We would lose vital staff + face massive cuts because of recession
  9. Not all who vote Leave are racists. But all racists are voting Leave, according to . And I agree
  10. The British public are fighters. We are not quitters. We must stay in + fight to make the EU even better  

One final thought. Things have been said that are hurtful, even threatening. People have been told they are stupid, that they don’t know what they are doing. One politician has lost her life. Millions have been made to feel unwanted and unwelcome. Whatever the result on Friday, a great deal of damage has been done. It will take a long time, kindness,, compassion and forgiveness to enable us all to heal.

So let us have no triumphalism. No crowing. And no blame. And let us remember that the majority of public servants are good hardworking people. They do not gamble our pensions, live offshore in tax havens, or pay their staff below the living wage. This includes the politicians who are elected by us, the people, to make decisions on our behalves.

We live in a democracy. And that is a wonderful thing.

 

 

Be inspired #Confed2016

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This time last year, I wrote a blog for newbies going to the NHS Confederation Conference. I decided to do an update for #Confed2016.

These are my top ten tips for having a fruitful time. By the way, you don’t have to be going to Manchester to make use of it 😉

  1. Don’t try to see and do everything. Be choosy. Treat the conference like a festival. By all means tweet about what you hear. But do also give the events you choose to attend your undivided attention.
  2. If you only seek out sessions and speakers to confirm your views, you will waste time and money. Arrive with an open mind. Ask questions. And be prepared to learn new things and to unlearn old ones.
  3. Some people need no encouragement to network. But if you aren’t confident about bounding up to someone you admire with an outstretched paw, don’t worry. Practice saying #HelloMyNameIs to people who look like you feel – perhaps a bit lost or lonely. And remember what Dale Carnegie said: You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years trying to get other people interested in you.
  4. Dress for style AND comfort. These are not mutually exclusive.
  5. Never forget you are at work. Stay out late if you must. But if someone makes you an offer you feel you cannot refuse, say No. And mean it. What goes on at conference does NOT stay at conference.
  6. Take breaks. Go for a walk. Have a rest in your room. Do shopping or emails or visit the Lowrie. Drink coffee.
  7. At the same time, stay focused on why you are there. The NHS is in a bad way. It is not only being slowly starved of cash. Services are overwhelmed because current methods of doing things are unfit to meet the demands of so many people with multiple problems. We need leaders like you to find two or three changes that will make the most difference. And to devote their careers to making these things happen.
  8. Remember that innovation is as much about stopping things as starting them. That there are no quick fixes. And that culture eats strategy for breakfast*.
  9. You will meet folk having a hard time. Please don’t avoid them. Despite all the talk about compassion, our beloved NHS has become less compassionate. There is too much focus on inspection, compliance and performance. And insufficient attention paid to recovery, renewal and support. Please spend time with people working in very tough places. Listen if they seem angry or frightened. One day, this could be you.
  10. Take a look around you. Notice the top of the NHS. How very white and very male it is, despite the NHS workforce being 70% female and 20% BME. Ask yourself why this is so. And if you think it matters, do your bit to help to change it.

I’ve been to a few conferences. And been inspired. I hope you will be too. Have a wonderful time xxx

*This was never actually said by Peter Drucker or Edgar Schein, to both of whom it has been attributed. But it was what they meant. Sort-of.