Brian
Stop behaving like an ageing alpha male lion. Otherwise you might lose more than your pride. Give in graciously to Adam’s plans. Once you accept that you are, just like the rest of us, completely replaceable, you will be a lot happier.
Adam
See above. Also, maybe you could get in touch with Charlie? We liked you being with him much better than poor old Ian.
Jennifer
Keep Brian on a shorter leash. Buy plenty of tissues for Lilian. And make more time for your writing.
Lilian
Dump Justin before he dumps you. He’s not nearly as much fun as you think. You can do much better than Ambridge’s answer to Sir Philip Green.
Toby
Don’t let people’s low expectations define you. Get a proper job, preferably in Brighton.
Tom and Kirsty
Buy a pram.
Helen
Do not, on any account, let Rob back into your life. Whatever he tells you, abusive males like him are extremely unlikely to change. Do everything you can to keep your lovely boys safe. One day you might meet someone else. But for now, while you recover from such a damaging few years, you are much better off alone.
Pip
Do not let other people tell you who to go out with. But equally, don’t let the poor opinions of your family cast Toby as Romeo to your Juliet. Like Lilian, you can do better. You won’t meet new people working on your parents farm and living at Rickyard Cottage. Time to spread your wings in 2017.
Jill
What is going on with you, Jill? Why do you hate Toby Fairbrother quite so much? You have alienated your beloved granddaughter, you risk doing the same with your daughter-in-law, and as a church-goer, you are showing some extremely un-Christian attitudes. And you won’t listen to reason. It isn’t really about Pip, is it? Nor is it about Toby’s father and his long-ago affair with Elizabeth. It goes much deeper than that. I suggest you talk to someone outside the family who you trust, possibly Reverend Alan, and explore these feelings. You may need some professional help. Because such uncharacteristic vitriol at your age is really worrying.
Ed and Emma
Stay as sweet and honest as you are. Undoubtedly we could do with more working class characters who are in the cast for more than just their comedic value. But you two are brilliant. Please don’t change a thing.
Usha and the new vet lady
Likewise, we need to see much more of you both, as well as a few more characters who just happen to be Black, Asian or from other Minority Ethnic backgrounds. Or those of us who argue that The Archers is no longer totally white and middle-class will have to admit we are wrong. Bring back Iftikar Shah; he is much more glamorous and interesting than that boring doctor, Elizabeth!
Pat and Tony
If you thought semi-retirement was going to be quiet, think again. Prepare for incoming grandchild number 4. And congratulate yourselves on being true to your characters but at the same time amazing in 2016.
Here’s to a wonderful 2017 in Ambridge, which remains an oasis of compassion and commonsense compared with the rest of the world.
Lisa Says This 
My dialogue line of the year was when that lovely character Kaz said to Helen “Where do you live? Downton Abbey?” also in a recent episode when she said that she was being looked at as though “she might sell crack to Johnny”. Writing as someone who has captained and managed rugby teams the feckless Toby must have been a nightmare to those in charge of teams that he played for, as they wondered whether or not he would turn up to play for the team. I am an occasionally vitriolic 70 year old, who is hundred percent supportive of Jill who has Toby tagged as the waster and freeloader that he is; he has one talent that he can be relied upon to perform reliably, er that is as well as playing “Mother Goose”, when it suits him. I fear for Helen and her family; a man of Rob’s type and mentality who has been nearly killed and seen the perpetrator “walk free” from court is never going to give her and her family any prospect of peace and quiet. Agree about the need to puncture the “middle classness” of our favourite soap. The Rob and Helen storyline was shocking and distressing, but at least it laid to rest the unfair stereotypical image of the abusive male as being exclusively from a “working class” or “underclass” background. Justin, everytime I hear that name it brings a somewhat wicked smile to my face, as I imagine Lillian saying “Justin, Justin”. Please let us have more of Alice and Chris, please, please, do not interfere with their happy, healthy young marriage, as for Kate, she is a match made, although not maid, in heaven for Toby…
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